As you may have heard, ABC recently announced that, despite previous announcements to the contrary, they have pulled Karen Sisco off the air. As a result, I almost decided not to review any more ABC shows. However, that's not a very mature thing to do, so instead I am only reviewing their show once it's off the air. Take that, Disney!

Anyway, Line of Fire is yet another hour long network drama that tries to replicate the success of HBO. Fortunately, unlike Kingpin, the producers of Line of Fire decided not to rip off The Sopranos and went instead for it's critically acclaimed, but largely unwatched cousin The Wire.

Like The Wire, Line of Fire concerns itself with a group of law enforcement officers (in this case the FBI) in a medium sized Southern city (in this case Richmond) and their ongoing attempts to bring down a local crime boss (played, in a truly inexplicable cast choice, by David Paymer).

Let's take a minute to look at that last parenthetical statement. David Paymer. As a crime boss.

It's such an odd casting choice that it really takes multiple episodes of the show before you can even begin to accept him in the role. David Paymer may be the least threatening actor in Hollywood. He's made a career of playing nebbishes with such success that it's pretty much impossible to accept him in any other role. I mean, from his perspective, this was probably a good move. It's always good, as far as the actor is concerned, to be given a chance to stretch one's dramatic chops. I just don't understand why a TV production company would feel the same. More than the movies, TV seems to be all about playing into your type. And yet, here we are with David Paymer as a crime boss. A crime boss with a horrible, horrible catch phrase as well. It's so bad I can't even repeat it.

So, once you've accepted Paymer in his wildly inappropriate role, the rest of the cast isn't bad, with the exception of Leslie Bibb as a young FBI agent. After the pilot, though, her screentime is cut down considerably, much to the benefit of the show.

Aside from those two dubious casting choices, the show only has one real problem. Instead of having the confidence to really just lay out the incredible detail of working to take out a large criminal operation over the course of multiple episodes, the show falls back into easy-to-digest one hour stories. If you're going to knock off The Wire, knock it off properly, or just knock it off in general.

Rating: B- (At least it's ripping off a good show)

Topics: dramas, television

First things first, let's get the obvious out of the way.

This doesn't sound like a Mountain Goats record.

I mean, the voice is the same. The frantic, bloody-finger-inducing guitar playing is the same (sometimes). The lyrics are just as good as ever. And yet...

There are drums. There are strings. Most of the songs have harmonies (sometimes lots of harmonies). There are no tape wheels grinding in the background. The album cover isn't colored with crayon.

I know this has been a gradual transformation, and Talahassee had just as much production value on it. But it didn't have any songs that song like David Bowie's Heroes.

Anyway, I've been listening to this album for a couple months now, and I think I've gotten to the point of acceptance. So, let's get into the actual review of the songs, shall we?

Basically, with Mountain Goats songs, I tend to divide them into four categories of quality:

Type I - Absolutely awesome songs that completely devastate me emotionally. I know multiple people who can't listen to "Grendel's Mother" without crying. Personally, "Weekend in Western Illinois" does it for me. Other Type I songs include "Going to Georgia," "Orange Ball of Love," "It Froze Me," "No Children"

Type II - Well-written, memorable songs. Good lyrics, but don't have the same emotional heft as Type I songs. Type II songs include "Are You Cleaning Off the Stone," "Sinaloan Milk Snake Song," "Going to Utrecht", "Raid on Entebbe"

Type III - Humorous songs. Best used to introduce people to the Mountain Goats (I have used "Golden Boy" to this effect on multiple occasions), or to lighten the mood after a Type I song when putting together a mix tape. Often quite catchy, but, due to the humorous content, hard to take as seriously. An interesting subset of Type III are the songs that make excessive references to the Inland Empire, which is probably only entertaining to people who have, at some point, lived in the Inland Empire. Other Type III songs include "Beach House," "Itzcuintli-Totzli Days," "Going to Chino"

Type IV - Everything else. Not really bad, but ones I would tend to fast forward.

I should also point out that many songs mask themselves as other types at first. Many people mistake "Going to Georgia" as a Type III upon first hearing it and, only after a few hearings, do they realize that it is, in fact, a Type I. Personally, I mistook "The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton" as a Type III until I saw it performed live. Clearly I wasn't paying enough attention to the last verse.

So, let's divvy up the new album:

(1) Type I ("Your Belgian Things")
(4) Type II ("Palmcorder Yajna," "Linda Blair Was Born Innocent," "Home Again Garden Grove," "The Young Thousands")
(1) Type III ("Pigs That Ran Straightaway Into the Water, Triumph Of")
(7) Type IV (everything else)

So, Type I-III:Type IV ratio is 6:7, which is not too shabby! By comparison, my favorite Mountain Goats album (Zopilote Machine, if you're curious) comes up with a ratio of 10:9, so, by our scientific methods, it would seem that this is one of the best Mountain Goats albums yet!

But, then again, "Palmcorder Yajna" sounds quite a lot like "Heroes" It's got to lose a couple points for that.

Rating: B

Topics: albums

Chucklehound Entertainment would like to warn our more sensitive reader of some, uh, explicit language below.

Dear NBC,

Fuck you.

Seriously, fuck you.

Ever since Seinfeld went off the air, you have been utterly and completely incapable of creating a decent sitcom. Look at your recent attempts. Good Morning Miami? Whoopi? Coupling? All horrible, horrible shows.

And then, you manage to put Happy Family on the air. Possibly the most mean spirited, misanthropic, spiteful, bitter sitcom on one of the Big 4 networks since... well, since Seinfeld. In short, it was the best sitcom of the season.

Perhaps you've already forgotten the premise of the show. Middle aged couple (played by the wonderfully cynical pair of John Larroquette and Christine Baranski) have three allegedly adult children, none of whom show any interest in actually moving on with their lives. The oldest works for his father and has recently called off his marriage. The middle (played by everyone's favorite Glad spokeswoman and Joyce DeWitt impersonator, Melanie Paxson) insists on coming by the house regularly, while the youngest, having failed out of college, has taken up with the recently divorced, forty-something neighbor. Yeah, I know the setup was a little cumbersome and audiences apparently didn't want to see a movie about a generally creepy April-August relationship, but it allowed for a wonderful wellspring of hostility on the show.

Take the fifth episode, in which Tim, the youngest son, manages to actually get a job scooping frozen yogurt, much to the pride of his parents. His parents question why they are so pleased with Tim's modest success and conclude that, not only do they apparently think their son is an idiot, but that they probably think this because he is, in fact, an idiot. Significantly more hostility than you usually get in a family sitcom.

Of course, the powers that be (which is to say "you") couldn't let this be, presumably because noone was watching the show. Let's get rid of the middle aged love interest, you said. Let's bring in a sassy dental assistant for the oldest son to banter with, you said. Let's generally emasculate the show and hope that what America wants, more than anything, is another bland, forgettable sitcom, you said.

Which is why I feel the need to resort to profanity (as well as sentence fragments). You see, I like to think that my friends and family place some trust in my recommendations. When I take the time to recommend a new show, I like to think that my word means something. If, however, the network decides to undergo a massive retooling of the show in between the time of my recommendation and when people actually get around to watching the show, my word is worthless. My friends and family watch the new, bland Happy Family and say, "Huh?"

I know that you have a hard job as a network programmer. But perhaps you should realize that Happy Family might find a better audience after Frasier instead of after Whoopi. Do you really expect the sass-loving morons who are choosing to watch Whoopi are going to enjoy a relatively subtle comedy? Do you really expect they're going to prefer a remarkably bland pointless show instead?

I guess you do.

So, once again, fuck you.

Rating: C (Was an A prior to retooling)

Topics: sitcoms, television